A Funeral Service Vs A Celebrant Ceremony

A Funeral Service is very traditional and rooted in The New Testament.  Each religion has their own sacred elements, beliefs and prayers.  A Celebrant Ceremony is a celebration of life, it can also be rooted in the teachings of Jesus, or have no religious or spiritual aspects at all.

Often times a Funeral Home calls the Clergy of a particular religion who has been presiding over the same type of ceremony for a long time.  When a Funeral Home calls on a Private Clergy, or Celebrant the ceremony will be very personal.

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Active Listening In A Time Of Need

When families are grieving it can be very difficult to put their thoughts together and create a Eulogy.  Often times I am called to actively listen and write a Eulogy for the family.  This is not a typical service for a Clergy to provide.  I have found through my years of experience, that a Clergy is well qualified to actively listen and make note of all the good.  This is a vital part of creating the Memorial Service.

Everyone deserves a reverent, respectful ceremony.  Every family wants to provide the best, most loving goodbye possible.

I am also able to work with any Funeral Director, or recommend one.  I have had the privilege of working with many wonderful Funeral Directors in the Greater Boston area. 

Every single one of my ceremonies is completely different from the last.  I approach each consultation brand new with the needs of the family foremost in my mind.

Rev Lee

Every Ceremony Brand New

I have been to many religious services presided over by other Celebrants that were lovely.  There are some individuals who find great comfort in routine.  If you are with a certain religious denomination all of the Funeral ceremonies are similar.
My ceremonies start from scratch each time.  I have had enough experience with both religious and non religious families to put together a reverent and beautiful experience for the families of the departed.
All ceremonies start with the initial consultation which consists of a practice I call "active listening."  Once a Pastor enters the sacred space of the grieving there is no agenda, it is a time for getting to know the family and their history with the departed.
When called upon the first thing I asked the Funeral Director is if there is an Obituary up on their website yet so I can see a photograph of the loved one.  I never start writing anything about the ceremony without first having a picture and building a connection with the deceased.
Secondly, there has to be a gentle exploration of the deceased and their relationship to whomever is making arrangements for them.  People in a state of grief need a Clergy with a patient heart and enough wisdom to sort through history and focus on what is the most inspiring, meaningful and comforting.
I am often asked if I preside over Wedding ceremonies and my answer is "no, never."  Every Pastor has his or her calling, mine is to comfort the bereaved.  I am blessed immeasurably to be trusted with honoring the lives of those whose memory I am entrusted.

Rev Lee Catalano

Diversity in Ceremonies - IT ALL WORKS

It's important for a Clergy to be able to switch gears quickly and flow with a family's needs.  I have rewritten an entire ceremony thirty minutes prior.  I usually spend several hours with passages, material and writing a sermon.  Each ceremony is brand new, and at times even more brand new on the spot.
Often  when folks are grieving they are terribly worried about sending their loved one off perfectly.  I reassure them with love at the helm it always ends up perfectly.  "Love never fails." Corinthians.
I have written and presided over ceremonies leading Catholic, Presbyterian, Baptist and prayers of every religion, to ceremonies where God was never mentioned.  Why have these all been so reverent and special?  Because the intention is set the moment I get the call a family is in need.  Once my intention is set there is no rest until the family member who contacted me is at peace and content with the send off.
Today the Widow was disappointed the Funeral Director didn't have the guests sit and listen to a song at the end of the service.   At the end of the graveside ceremony I suggested she play the song from her phone.  The sound of friends and family singing along to the music like angels began to come forth, it was moving, on the spot and PERFECT.  With an open heart there are no mistakes and we could have not planned a more perfect moment.  Standing with the Funeral Director we both had tears in our eyes, a moment neither of us planned, yet it turned out better than we could have.

No God, or Jesus Please

It is not usual to have a family request you not mention God in a ceremony.  In the sixteen years I have been a Celebrant this has only occurred a handful of times.  I am never sure what is motivating a family to make such a request until I meet them.   In this case it just happened to be a non religious family.

A traditional service has music, singing, and often Bible and spiritual passages.  If you have a singer in the family all the better.  There is nothing that makes a ceremony more personal than having a family member sing a song, or read a personal note or passage.  When a family is feeling like they are not able to participate, I provide all of it. 

Sitting across from the departed loved one's daughter, I could feel a sense of love and devotion that literally permeated this woman's living room.  I knew right then and there God was present and the thing about God is you don't have to say it. 

The music didn't need to be spiritual, just significant to her and her loved one.  Bible passages are lovely, but there are literally thousands of beautiful passages, or poems that express love, sentiment, blessings. 

Upon arrival at the Funeral Home I was greeted by nervous Funeral staff who had not worked with me before and didn't know what to expect.  The Funeral Director had apologized profusely to me about the family not wanting the Clergy to mention God.  I could see they were curious as to how that was going to work.  I knew we were all on the same page wanting to honor a woman whose family and friends were gathered.

I brought my own music, I had never done that before, but I was all in and able to do what was needed.  The family had me mention Jesus briefly and we all prayed the Lord's Prayer at the start.  I even saw the Funeral staff join in and it was a moving experience.  The shared Eulogy said by several friends was perfect, the timing, the chuckles, the tears embraced every one of us like a familiar hug.  I met a woman before the service who was a dear friend and she told me too nervous to read her part of the Eulogy.  I asked her what she had written and she told me.  When presiding over the ceremony, I told everyone what she had told me, her words were heard and I was grateful.  She smiled and hugged me afterwards and she told me "there really are no accidents."

One of the things that touched me in particular was the Funeral Director, he has seen many Funerals in his home and this one really touched him.  He proclaimed to me with heartfelt fervor afterward that the woman was someone he wished he had known.  Everything came together beautifully because God was there with all of us whether God was mentioned or not.

I stayed at the cemetery for several minutes after the family had gone and spoke with the Funeral Director.  We both felt it, a job well done.  The family was at peace with the ceremony and we had done our very best to ensure that.  We didn't say that directly to one another, but we both knew that was the case.  We chuckled a moment about the sweet humor in the Eulogy and it was time to go.  When getting in the car with my Assistant she turned to me and said "you know it's a great ceremony when you leave feeling you knew the departed."  I said "yes, so true that's because we all know love."

Religion Vs Spiritual - The Lord's Prayer Given by Jesus Christ

There are a lot of people moving away from traditional ceremonies right along with religion.  They are feeling unsatisfied with the guilt and judgment that is often expressed in the Old Testament.
I urge anyone reading this blog to take a glance at the New Testament directly, not through a Pastor, Priest, or Minister.  Go directly and see the loving words of Jesus Christ.  What you will find is a completely different attitude than that of the punishing God of the Old Testament.
Jesus did not promote a religion of any sort, he loved the people of His time and preached of love, kindness and seeing one's brother as thyself.
When the multitudes gathered as they often did around Him they asked him how to pray?  They saw how loving he was and the miracles that occurred in His presence and this is the prayer he gave them.  The crowds were seeking comfort and peace of mind.
This prayer brings that comfort to the hearts and minds of man.  Use it freely as it was given by The Lord.  Repeat it over and over it will bring comfort.  This is an important part of any service, it's when we all join hands and pray for the Soul of the departed.  The powerful prayer up lifts and brings the gathering together in the love and kindness the Lord intended for us.

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