No God, or Jesus Please

It is not usual to have a family request you not mention God in a ceremony.  In the sixteen years I have been a Celebrant this has only occurred a handful of times.  I am never sure what is motivating a family to make such a request until I meet them.   In this case it just happened to be a non religious family.

A traditional service has music, singing, and often Bible and spiritual passages.  If you have a singer in the family all the better.  There is nothing that makes a ceremony more personal than having a family member sing a song, or read a personal note or passage.  When a family is feeling like they are not able to participate, I provide all of it. 

Sitting across from the departed loved one's daughter, I could feel a sense of love and devotion that literally permeated this woman's living room.  I knew right then and there God was present and the thing about God is you don't have to say it. 

The music didn't need to be spiritual, just significant to her and her loved one.  Bible passages are lovely, but there are literally thousands of beautiful passages, or poems that express love, sentiment, blessings. 

Upon arrival at the Funeral Home I was greeted by nervous Funeral staff who had not worked with me before and didn't know what to expect.  The Funeral Director had apologized profusely to me about the family not wanting the Clergy to mention God.  I could see they were curious as to how that was going to work.  I knew we were all on the same page wanting to honor a woman whose family and friends were gathered.

I brought my own music, I had never done that before, but I was all in and able to do what was needed.  The family had me mention Jesus briefly and we all prayed the Lord's Prayer at the start.  I even saw the Funeral staff join in and it was a moving experience.  The shared Eulogy said by several friends was perfect, the timing, the chuckles, the tears embraced every one of us like a familiar hug.  I met a woman before the service who was a dear friend and she told me too nervous to read her part of the Eulogy.  I asked her what she had written and she told me.  When presiding over the ceremony, I told everyone what she had told me, her words were heard and I was grateful.  She smiled and hugged me afterwards and she told me "there really are no accidents."

One of the things that touched me in particular was the Funeral Director, he has seen many Funerals in his home and this one really touched him.  He proclaimed to me with heartfelt fervor afterward that the woman was someone he wished he had known.  Everything came together beautifully because God was there with all of us whether God was mentioned or not.

I stayed at the cemetery for several minutes after the family had gone and spoke with the Funeral Director.  We both felt it, a job well done.  The family was at peace with the ceremony and we had done our very best to ensure that.  We didn't say that directly to one another, but we both knew that was the case.  We chuckled a moment about the sweet humor in the Eulogy and it was time to go.  When getting in the car with my Assistant she turned to me and said "you know it's a great ceremony when you leave feeling you knew the departed."  I said "yes, so true that's because we all know love."